lilginks

a guide to truly doing things last minute.

1) make sure that you have just enough done in the project you are working on in order that you feel a false sense of preparedness

2) play a soccer game, write another paper besides the project work you have to do---later, eat dinner with friends, discuss life, philosophize with folks and oneself, drink some champagne, drink some wine...then begin the paper/project

3) upon beginning the project, being in it for the long haul, change CDs a few times so that you are constantly leaving youk station; if you can do this from your work station, go get a glass of water, make coffee, or take out the trash. (I didn't make coffee or take out the trash, I just hought about it)

4) take a nap. This is essential, no questions.

5) wake up every 30 minutes or so and think about what you still have to do

6) talk to any accomplices you might have in the project and/or procrastination. Call them every once in a while; ask: "how's it going there?" listen to answer; ask again, "so how's it really going with the project?" then, discuss a few of the other things you have acomplished: "yah, I clipped my toenails too."

7) last minute scramble begins in the last three hours of work; work like you've never worked before

8) breathe in...hey, what smells good? check if anyone has made you breakfast.

9) probably not to the breakfast; tell your stomach to behave itself; keep writing/working

10) go to class, not the one you have to turn the project into, just to take a nap and think how pointless the class is sometimes 

10b) get on bus to go to class, so that you can enjoy hanging onto the "oh shit" bar for dear life, or at least so that you don't drop your banana a second time onto a sitting bus person's lap.

10c) say something a little perverted to get the twenty people squished upa against you to relax and stand away from you

10d) make sure you have something good smelling on while on the bus

11) back to work, one hour left; kick the person at the computer terminal in front of you a few times

12) write as if lyour life is a keyboard, and you have to keep typing to keep the blood pumping

13) occasionally shuffle papers around beside you so that your neighbors know you are not trying to take up three work stations; just reminding them what a scholar looks like.

14) ask the computer lab if they have scissors; ask them to replace the staples, ask them where you can put money on an ID card to print out your 25 pages of work

15) mumble to yourself

16) find a stranger and ask her or him if you can use her or his card to print

17) smile and say thank you; look at the time, sigh

18) find a friend, ah, or someone you know in passing

19) panic when you realize there is no way to put money on her card; breath and thank her and God that she has money to print out your stuff

20) print leave some compensation for the saving soul, and go

21) run to class, make sure thongs aren't pulling pants along with them, slow down enough to look calm when walking past window and into full classroom

22) after the brief class, ask if anyone has scissors, especially if they have the same name as you do

23) if same name thing does not work, tell TA that it's a mess

23) although, TA doesn't care and would like to go work on his three 15 page each papers and begin grading this project, tear printed summaries apart and place them in the correct plastic sleeves in your project notebook

24) walk home thinking about next writing assignment (a little more writing to do today, for a literary magazine)